It’s 2021 and I’m giving my first silent retreats.
I put lunch on the table. And I immediately notice the first stories in my head. 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩? 𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘢𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵? I realize that I am insecure about the food. And that only now, in the silence, am I really becoming aware of that.
After lunch, someone takes a pen and starts writing on a white piece of paper (which is on the table for communication about practical things that need an immediate solution). My mind immediately goes crazy: 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘚𝘦𝘦, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸…
“What a delicious soup, can I have the recipe?” is what I read. Admittedly, that’s not what the paper was for. But apparently, it was also there to teach me a lesson…
In the period that followed, I became more and more attentive to the stories in my head. My awareness of what the voices in my head were telling me grew. Then I could always make a choice: is this story subservient or do I opt for a new story?
Nowadays I hardly have mental stories in my head anymore. And if I still notice a limiting belief, old identity or programming, I put it in the purification space. And simply clean it all up again.
𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘶𝘱𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘤 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘰? 𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘝𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦. 𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘝𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 1 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦!
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